First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
