the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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