And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
