I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
