Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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