Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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