It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Boobs speak an international language.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
