he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
