How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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