what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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