i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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