Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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