I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
