i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Too much gin, very little bucket
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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