Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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