I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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