I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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