youre lurking in front of me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
