So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
