**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
