All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
