I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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