My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
