ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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