that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
