Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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