New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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