True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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