It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize