guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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