I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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