before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
