is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
