Got a toothbrush?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
