What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
