finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
