two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
