You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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