hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
