im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
