i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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