Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
