i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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