i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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