dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
