I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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