i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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