Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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