tell your sister to shave her snatch
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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