Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
