I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
