I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
