these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
