new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
