Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
