Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
