All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
