Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
