the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
