Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
