tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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