Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
