i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
