no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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