John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
